Nightmares of Confusions

The worst thing in life for me is to keep repeating the same cycle over and over and over again.. Feeling confused, more confused and falling really deep into confusion.. Why do I keep running round and round, refusing to wake up to reality? Why am I hanging on to my own theory and realising the practicality of it? Why can I just accept the facts of life and play their rules and end all my sufferings of struggles! Nightmares of work, play, love, family and friends. It's all a game, isn't it? God is watching, I know.. If I need help, I need to ask for it. Why am I not? Pride issue? What is the difference between throwing ur pride away vs. begging for help? hmmm... Anyway, I'm back to where I am once again.. When will I get to wake up from all these nightmares/fears and live life truely?