I've decided...

Guess what? I've made my decision abt my future...

Feeling down today..

Hi again.. Met him today to return each of our belongings. It's been a month and a half since we last met. Well, I didn't look at him in the eye nor really say anything. Well, I missed him...

He sent me to my school... Along the way, we talked abt his program after this.. After I got off his car, I sms him to ask him if I could joining him n his friends at all.. After taking my papers, there wasn't any replies from him and I guess he is ignoring my suggestion to join him in JB makan tonight... But well, I didn't expect him to welcome me at all.. as he didn't even ask me to go along in the first place.. sob sob..
Y am I feeling so sad? I wonder.. Y.. sigh.. I'm feeling so down... so useless.. so helpless... I can't help but to go to his friendster to see how many friends he has added.. oh my god... it's 200+ already.. He's still so into it... I guess I shouldn't hope any for anything anymore, should I? ha...

I was riding on my buddy's bike yesterday nite when he ride me out for supper, or so called late dinner.. He asked me if something is bothering me.. I said firmly, no.. And he still don't accept my answer.. You see, this buddy of mine has been my buddy since 1994 or so.. and guess, he probably knows me well n can sense that something is really bothering me.. But well, I'm not even aware of it myself? I do agree with him that something is really wrong with me.. It might be because of this..

I was talking to my one of my prospect and he's sharing with me.. He loves his wife but he still fools around. Humans get sick of things or other humans in time.. OH, I was watching Liu Xin Hua Yuan, and this Simon guy from F4 says that all girls have expiry date.. Hmm, come to think of it, I have to agree with it. We are not always passionate abt the same things for-ever.. Just like some girls who will stop fancying Hello Kitty at a certain age.. You know what? Life moves on.

So, why? Why would anyone wan to settle down knowing that it's not forever anymore? It's like.. knowing it's a mistake and you still go ahead and commit it? Now, I truely understand why the advertisements always say diamonds are girls' best friend. WHY ? cos they are forever!!! OH my god... Sigh...

Why must we get something and only lose it in time? Isn't it better not to have it at all? Hmmm... or is this just a loser mentality? I'm admitting defeat before I even start fighting for it? Well, if u know it's not forever, would you still start it in the first place? For me, I don't wan it anymore.. I don't wish to be sad again.. But can anybody resist falling in love? Hmmm.... Guess this is the only thing that can destroy me other than death n illnesses.. What a huge internal contradiction I have in my brain.. Sigh...

I tot I'm doing fine... I've been trying to drown myself busy.. These tots still disturb me alot.. Is this what you call crazy? kekekke.....