Forever Lost?

Reading back my old posts make me realise how miserable I have been in the past.. But that does not mean I'm in any way better off.. I'm 29 this year.. I've been ignoring all advices given to me.. I've been ignoring most of the people in my life.. Everything didn't matter then..

What have I learnt after spending so much time and money with the course I took?
One got to put aside all emotions to achieve what we want..
Balance of life wouldn't get me anywhere.. Would it? hahaha...

Peace, what is peace? God.. I need your help.. Forever, I'm lost.. Sigh...

Nightmares of Confusions

The worst thing in life for me is to keep repeating the same cycle over and over and over again.. Feeling confused, more confused and falling really deep into confusion.. Why do I keep running round and round, refusing to wake up to reality? Why am I hanging on to my own theory and realising the practicality of it? Why can I just accept the facts of life and play their rules and end all my sufferings of struggles! Nightmares of work, play, love, family and friends. It's all a game, isn't it? God is watching, I know.. If I need help, I need to ask for it. Why am I not? Pride issue? What is the difference between throwing ur pride away vs. begging for help? hmmm... Anyway, I'm back to where I am once again.. When will I get to wake up from all these nightmares/fears and live life truely?

My precious..

Time speeds up like highway after you turn 21. Mine especially, to me.. I have gone through so many relationships and yet, I have not mature after making so many mistakes out of them. I fear failing relationships and therefore, not dare to thread into any that easily.. But I can't seem to hold back my feelings! When I want something, I want it there and then! I'm stubborn too.. But if I love him enough, I become like a melted iron..

Anyway, once sex is given away too easily to a guy, you are never going to be appreciated like "the Precious.." Is that what I think? No, that's not what I think.. But that's what a lot of guys would say. Come on, they are guys.. if you dun trust men's words on themselves, whose can we trust? ONce sex is given away, everything from his side will turn to steel.. I don't want anybody to believe my words.. but I believe everybody else who had sex knows that truth!!!

I hate it.. Is that the only thing you guys are after? Isn't companion what you are after? Not fun n laughter you are after? Of course, not many guys go for "forever" unless forced to commit... By the way, do you have commitment issues? If you have a pet, does that mean you have proved that you can be a committed person? I don't know. I don't really have a pet that I love... But, I do have 2 hamster now.. But I'm not giving them love cos I know they won't love me back.. I really don't think I can communicate with hamster... sigh.. They bite you accidentally sometimes too.. so stupid, right...?

Actually, not only do I have a problem with hamster or other animals maybe, I already have a problem communicating with my MAN... I don't know if it's purely me or is it them also.. Anyway, I'm starting to be confused once again.. And I know, nobody can help me cos I was the one who chose whichever path I stepped into... :(

Cherish..

Why is it that one must lose something/one before he/she cherish it?
Why must one realise the joy of life only when it's going to end?
Why must one take things for granted always?
Why do I keep playing games n chatting, n watching tv when I know this is the only time I need to focus on my exam in 2 days time?? WHY? Cos this is the only time I appreciate those fun times..

arrgghhh

Sorrowful Night..

I don't know Y I feel so sorrowful tonight. Is it because of the news that came to me 2 days ago? Well, how would you feel if your ex were to call u one night n tell u that he's attached for a few days already? Not that I'm not happy for him. Just tat I'm sad for myself, that's all.. Hmm, I was so confident all these while that he's been holding a torch for me.. But apparently, he's not. Not at all. The break up was justified now. He doesn't love me when I suggested the break up.. He doesn't at all. If not, why would he move on so fast? Heheh.. well, come to think of it, is 6 mths too fast to move on for a relationship that lasted for 5 months? heheh.. Well, perhaps, maybe it's not. Watever.. it's over already. IT's the past already.

Being in Love is heaven but it can also be a living hell

It's not easy to tell him the stuff that'd lead to break up..
We r not born to break pple's heart in the first place...
can see he's quite frustrated abt the relationship when he use the words "what the hack"

Sigh... it hurts me to read/watch a romantic drama ending so fast...
Romance was never set to last... Sad, isn't it...?

Sometimes, we wished we can find someone who can love us n treat us well. But is that all we really want? The grass is always greener on the other side....

Most of the time, we are looking for someone whom we love passionately with all our hearts..
Have you felt your heart burning so badly for the other? Have you found the guy who got u all excited? If not, do u think this relationship is really worth keeping? Shall we all keep a relationship just because he is good to keep?

We let go of our loved ones just to avoid ruining the good memories and creating bad ones..
We let go of each other because only one party is happily attached..
We let go of the other because we don't wish to hurt them in the future since we are not sure if they are the one...
Who can determine if he/she is the one for me?

I'm confused. As always.. Love is a wonderful thing.. and it can be the most disasterous things that can happen to you...

You know, we hear alot of this.. "If u love him, let him/her go.."

I tried that before. It hurts so badly... wished I didn't allow myself to fall for him from the beginning.. Tot he'd love me n cherish me... Guess my courtship was too easy.. Wished I didn't fall in love with him faster than his fading love for mel.. When it did, what happened next?

Life still goes on, whether u like it or not... He moves on. And so, I shall try to move on too..
There's really no pt keeping someone who dun love you back... If someone really loves u, would he insist living his life his way, knowing it'd hurt u? I've tried giving in... but it hurts the relationship more because of all the frustrations that I have within me... I'm no longer me.. I'm no longer happy.. I doubted him... I can't trust him cos his heart isn't with me...

I wished for a man I love, and who'd truely love me back.. would he come n save me? Is there such a person in the first place. hahahah.... Hopefully, this is really a happy NEW YEAR!! I miss u..

Love..

If you are asking comments from someone who has failed to maintain the only relationship she has ever cherished in life, well, well... Do take it with a pinch of salt.

If you are asking comments from someone who got a successful marriage with her first love? She has never failed one nor has she been in a position to look around and compare or feel unsure abt this guy she is dating! So, do take it with a pinch of salt too..

I'm totally impressed by the phrase..

“Only two hands can produce a Clap. And one hand can only give a Slap.”

Why haven't I heard abt it before? Oh my god.. This is something i have learnt! I realised, I love to slap myself all the time! By loving pple so blindly without him doing anything for me...

“Would you choose to be with someone you love or someone who loves you?”

Well, I would choose someone who loves me and I will grow to love him in time.. But most of the time, I get that.. but his love for me is never forever.. What do I do? By the time his love for me has faded, I have already grown to love him so much already! Why is God always torturing me like that?

Must we only learn to cherish something after losing it partially or totally? Well, I have learnt to cherish things now.. But in return, what do I get... Why are things always going the other way round? I love him when he doesn't. He loves me when I don't!!!

The fact is... A person is only very attractive when he's very passionate abt something. WHatever it is, only then, will he/she bring out his/her charm..

Would you be attracted to someone who dunno what he/she wants?
A drifter? I wonder... Now, I know why I'm not a attractive person while YOU ARE !!
; )

Well, we should never judge a person too fast.. Agree? We all grow.. We may be confused now.. but does it mean we'll be confused for EVER ?

Some people don't give others a chance to prove themselves.. But in love, it's not abt proving anything... It's abt ur heart... Do you love him out of sympathy? Or nurtured love? If you don't love him, you will keep expecting him to perform to your growing expectation.. And you will keep judging him... penalise him when there's a chance.. Or do you really respect him for who he is and support him in whatever he chose to do or love to do, and encourage him when he's down and not jeered at him/her..?

Loving someone wholeheartedly ain't easy. Really... Cos as a human being.... We're all not always pure.. We r evil by NATURE!! We are SElFISH!! We love ourselves more most of the time.. We always think we deserve this and that....heheheheh....

And at different times, we all have different needs n priority.. And we tend to overlook n under-rate certain things that used to be highly prioritised.. Because of this, a relationship is hard to maintain... cos now, with 2 pple involved, the whole togetherness thing is more sensitive now... SIgh, I'm sick of talking abt all these now.... I want to go sleep liao... We'll chat again.. tata...